Bedford man's late autism diagnosis inspires podcast

I’ve long suspected that I’m Autistic, so when I received a formal diagnosis earlier this year, I assumed the only outcome would be a sense of validation. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

On the surface, nothing changed. However, the truth is that everything changed. Let me explain:

Imagine spending your life with a bag of bricks strapped to your back, but you don’t know it’s there. Every step you take is a struggle, and you find yourself making slower progress than everyone else, but you don’t know why. The only conclusion you can draw is that you’re incapable, lesser, broken. Your life is hard, but you can’t tell anyone through fear of judgement or ridicule, so you continue to struggle through every day, weighed down by your mysterious burden.

One day, a kind passer by approaches you on the street.

“Oh, wow. That’s a big bag of bricks on your back. How do you manage to walk?” they say.

That’s the day you learn about the bag of bricks. Nothing’s changed, right? The bag of bricks has been there the whole time, and you’ve managed to make do. True, but now you know the bag of bricks is there, and it’s all you can think about. You ask yourself why you have it, why everyone else doesn’t have one, why you can’t take it off, and why no one noticed it before. You resent your past struggles and mourn what could’ve been. Every time you take a laboured step, you’re acutely aware of why, and you’re constantly reminded of it.

This is what happened to me when I received my diagnosis. The truth is that I’ve lived my whole life with two separate neurodevelopmental disabilities, and that’s a lot to take in.

Living with ADHD can be crippling, and living with Autism can be a constant challenge. Living with both simultaneously is a whole other kettle of fish.

In the ADHD/Autism Ven diagram, there are several overlaps, but both are completely different and often diametrically opposed. For example, people with Autism often seek familiarity, routine, and predictability. People with ADHD often seek novelty, find routine oppressive, and predictability stifling. Having both forces pulling in opposite directions at the same time is incredibly tiring.

When I first learned that I’m Autistic, I didn’t know what to do with myself. I’d never felt more confused and isolated. Once I began to come to terms with my new reality, I grew restless. I realised I needed to build something positive from my experience. I know there would be countless others in a similar position to me, and it’s a lonely position to be in. I also realised that, although Neurodiversity is more talked about than ever before, there’s still a prevalence of misinformation, misconceptions, and the world remains Neurotypical – not designed for people like me. I decided to create a safe space, a community, and a platform to allow real learning to take place. I created Shouty Brain.

I built Shouty Brain social media channels and, crucially, launched a weekly podcast by the same name.

The Shouty Brain podcast features frequent interviews with specially invited guests, from all different walks of life, but with one thing in common; all are Neurodiverse. We discuss our experiences, struggles, and stories. The tone is playful and lighthearted, but I tackle occasionally uncomfortable but important topics. It’s raw, unfiltered, and honest. It’s a judgement free zone, and a place where people can be their authentic selves, unapologetically.

The podcast is in its early days, but engagement so far has been fantastic. I truly feel as though I’m finding my people and beginning to build a community. The podcast has real value, and I can’t wait to watch it grow as the community continues to build.

If you yourself are Neurodiverse, if you care for someone who is, or even if you’re curious to learn more, Shouty Brain is the place for you. It’s completely free of charge, and everyone is welcome.

Visit shoutybrain.com for links to both the audio and video versions of the podcast, as well as the Shouty Brain social media channels and blog.