And Breaking Dawn Part One certainly takes forever to get anywhere…
The end is finally in sight for Emo girl Bella (Kirsten Stewart) and her beloved sparkly vampire Edward (Robert Pattinson) – and let’s not forget hunky werewolf Jacob (Taylor Lautner) who is the hairy side of this supernaturally dramatic love triangle.
If you’ve been following these film adaptations of Stephenie Meyer’s ploddingly pedestrian novels you’re probably in one of two camps.
Either you think they are rubbish (and are a bloke) or you love them and squeal out loud at the thought of the male stars (in which case you’re probably a 13-year-old girl, although my cousin Anne also does this and she’s older than me and ought to know better).
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So after seeing Harry Potter make mucho money by splitting the last book into two films the Twilight franchise follows suit – serving up fans with a ‘filler’ film that has no conclusion, just like Potter.
Of course that doesn’t matter to the tween females of the world who are content to scream at the shirtless smouldering young men on offer here – but it really hurts the pacing of the story as every little thing is drawn out by new to the franchise director Bill Condon.
Having mildly suffered through the first three Twilight films in order to bring you reviews, I thought it only fair to get a comment from one of the self confessed Twi-Hard fans – 13-year-old Rebecca Middleditch. Her verdict: ‘This film was incredible, it was the best one out of them all and my favourite is Jacob, I also can’t wait until Part Two comes out.’
My verdict? It’s Breaking Yawn...
In a nutshell Bella gets married, has sex with Edward and is soon found to be carrying a half human/half vampire child, which brings an unforeseen and shocking development for Jacob.
The film tries to build to a shock climax by veering into bloody birth horror lite as the spawn of Edward might just be the death of Bella.
It’s all a bit creaky but looks good in a stilted kind of way – and if you’re a fan do stay to see the after credit extra scene designed to build up anticipation for Part Two, coming your way next year.