John Pilgrim: My new shooting stick gave me a sinking feeling

LAST week was mildly entertaining one way or another.

Saturday, 5th November 2011, 5:43 am

First up on Monday I decided to try out my latest acquisition, namely a shooting stick. I purchased this rather ostentatious piece of equipment because our local park is lacking in places for an elderly gent with an increasingly bad back to rest.

The stick is extendable so I set it all up before I left home and ignored the odd looks from the dog as we made for the group of dog walkers assembled near the kid’s recreation area.

They admired the stick but refused my offer to try it out so I opened up the seat, stuck the point of the stick into the ground and proceeded to sit down.

All went well for the first few minutes and then I noticed a rather odd sensation – I appeared to be slowly sinking to ground level! Rashly I grabbed the lady standing next to me in an attempt to break my fall.

The woman took this to be some sort of an unwanted show of passion and gasped. I looked up at my fellow dog users and joined in their laughter. What else could I do?

Later in the week I received a rather odd but amusing letter from the post office. It was signed by our local postmaster and informed me that he has decided to let us all know about some changes he is making to the local service. The postmaster explained that the team at the post office tries very hard to deliver what is considered to be a very good service and would continue to do so.

He went on in the same vein until the final paragraph of the letter when he explained that we would still receive our mail “Mainly before midday but sometimes after midday”.

Since this is exactly what happens now I am still wondering exactly what the letter was intended to do. He perhaps could have promised to try teaching some of his staff how to read.

Over the past weeks we have had letters addressed not just to the incorrect house number but to the wrong road. Maybe a little reminder that gates found closed when entering a property should be closed on leaving would be helpful as well.

And finally; a couple of additions to my list of older songs that have been revived for TV adverts. I just love the Audi use of ‘Open Road, Open Sky’ which originally came from a Strauss operetta and was first recorded by American Tenor M.J. Thomas way back in the early nineteen hundreds.

I also really enjoy the little Tetley Tea man singing Billy Joel’s ‘Just the Way Your Are’ which was originally recorded some thirty odd years ago.